Let’s talk about s-E-X
SEX. The forbidden word, especially if you have kids, and most especially if those kids have ever walked in on “mommy and daddy wrestling.”
I remember very clearly having “the talk” with my mom. She was pregnant with my brother, and naturally, my sister and I had questions. I was six and my sister was nine when my mom sat us both down and began her explanation of “the birds and the bees”:
Sister: How did the baby get in your tummy?
Mom: Well, when a mommy and daddy love each other, they lay very close together…
Me (in my head): Uh-huh…I’m following…
Mom: …and then the daddy’s sperm, which looks like a tadpole, and the mommy’s egg come together to make a baby.
Me (in my head): Oh, I’ve totally got this…
Me (out loud): So, the baby turns into a frog?
Whelp, there you have it folks. My 6-year-old brain took my mom’s creative illustration and came to an obvious conclusion: she was pregnant with a frog.
I give my mom complete credit – she broke it down into words and illustrations I understood. But my brain wasn’t yet able to make the leap to her intended outcome. So, as my son is now 10 and is beginning to have questions and curiosities of his own, I’ve thought about how to best approach this topic with him (read: I purchased a book). My goal? To make it through the conversation without resorting to cutesy anatomical words, like “hot dog” and “petunias”. I can do this.
In preparation for this important and necessary conversation (by reading aforementioned book), it’s crossed my mind how this is one of the first “adult” conversations I will have with my child. It goes beyond the obvious – sex – into a much deeper, conversation about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect for our bodies, for the bodies of others…for humankind. Of course, we’ve taught him how to share, use kind words, and put words to his feelings, but I truly believe that this conversation lays the groundwork for how he will view his whole self – body, emotions, thoughts, opinions – in relation to others. How we present it – in all its uncomfortableness – is what may, ultimately, guide the choices he makes in the future. And, in a time when love and respect for others has taken a backseat to power and control over others, the message we hope to convey is more important than ever: love who you are, embrace your body, sit with your feelings, know yourself. And then, share your light.
Mind you, this will all be done in language his 10-year-old brain can understand, so there is no promise it will go smoothly (quite honestly, most conversations with my son don’t go smoothly!). He, too, may someday be writing about how his mom’s attempt at illustrating this conversation created a completely different image in his mind (perhaps the frog connection will be passed down to the generations). But, peeling away the layers of “the talk” to its core has helped drive the direction I will go and the path I hope he will follow. It’s a horse-sized pill to swallow, but with a large glass of water, it will most certainly go down. And, that my friends, makes the SEX TALK a whole new ballgame.
