Exercising My “yes” muscle
My kids tell me I say “no” a lot. Like, all the time. A typical conversation goes something like this:
Kid: Mom, can we -
Me: No.
Kid: What about -
Me: Nope.
Kid: Well, what if we -
Me: And…no.
It’s as if I try to find as many ways possible to say the same word over and over. Obviously, I’m quite skilled at answering in the negative.
I decided to take a deep dive into why that word so easily rolls off my lips. It’s not that I don’t enjoy spending time with my kids or that I want them at home all day, every day. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: I tend to OVERBOOK my kids’ schedules, which leads to a lot of whining and pushback and “can we just stay at home!!” No, it comes down to one, simple word: CONTROL. I like neat, orderly and planned days. In fact, I love to pre-plan exactly what those days will look like. Wake up, eat breakfast, play a game, quiet time, lunch, quiet time, go outside, quiet time…you get the picture. That deep dive propelled me into unchartered waters, and I found myself frantically trying to resurface to somewhere I could at least tread water. But I couldn’t escape what I had discovered: I AM A BORING MOM.
Now, I don’t say this to elicit a response of “you’re a great mom!” or “don’t be so hard on yourself!”. I give my kids plenty of experiences and activities. We go on fun vacations, have family game nights, and cuddle up to watch all the newest movies. I know I am a good mom, as long as life goes according to MY plan. It’s when I’m pushed off-course, into an arena I haven’t fully prepared for, that the dreaded word instinctively escapes my lips. I maintain control, while my kids feel defeated. I am where fun comes to die.
Spontaneity frightens me. It always has. I see the excitement and energy that others experience when making plans on the fly or jumping in the car and taking an unplanned road trip. And while their breath quickens from the excitement of the unknown, mine requires the use of a brown, paper sack to get it back under control. Questions immediately flood my mind:
What if I don’t pack the right clothes?
What if my car needs to be serviced?
What if I have a dentist appointment while I’m gone?
What if, what if, what if….?
Completely rational thinking, right? Sure. Because the question missing from that list is “what if I have FUN”? God-forbid I throw caution to the wind and have a little unplanned fun. How absolutely horrible. Obviously, continuing to live my purposely planned day is much more fulfilling. There’s no guarantee of fun, but I can definitely get my to-do list accomplished!
So, I’m challenging myself to push against my instinctive response and exercise my “yes” muscle more. It’s completely out-of-shape and will require daily cardio work-outs, but my guess is the disbelieving looks on my kids’ faces when their requests are met with a “yes” will set my “yes muscle” on a path of gaining six-pack abs in no time. And, you know what? I might just be able to throw that brown, paper sack in the trash, along with my daily schedule. Because breath filled with excitement is definitely worth breathing.
