Accept the “thank you”
Here’s a question to ponder: when someone tells you “thank you”, how do you respond? If you’re like me, my response is generally along the lines of “oh, it was nothing!” or “I was happy to do it!” Very rarely (ok, make that - maybe - one time) have I locked eyes with someone and said, “you’re so welcome.” Deflecting gratitude seems to come much more naturally. Maybe it’s my way of staying out of the spotlight or diminishing what I have done. It feels unnecessary and awkward. But when something goes unnoticed or un-thanked? Well, I’m aware of that, too. If I struggle with accepting the thanks, should I really be focused on those times that it’s not expressed?
Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel a lack of appreciation for what I do. Do my kids thank me on a regular basis for packing lunches, doing laundry, driving carpool, taking them to doctor’s appointments, making dinner, helping them with homework, coordinating schedules, giving them life? Well, no. Does my husband whisper sweet thank you’s in my ear as I help him navigate computer issues, pick up his dry cleaning, keep the house clean and orderly, and keep our kids alive? Well, that’s a swing and a miss, too. Ok, so maybe there’s a few areas I’d like to feel more appreciated. I could easily start depositing my resentment checks into my emotions bank and call it a day. Nothing says “hey, look how awesome I am!” like sitting and stewing and waiting.
But the point of all of this is to stop focusing on when it’s not being said and instead focus on when it is. Counter to what I shared previously I do feel appreciated. It’s my response to that appreciation that is forcing me not to be fully present in the moment, not to relish in being noticed. I don’t do the work for recognition, but that doesn’t mean I diminish the appreciation that may result. Instead, my response needs to reflect my appreciation for their gratitude. I need to acknowledge the acknowledgement. Only then can a deposit be made into my emotions bank to fill me up when gratitude feels scarce.
It’s easy to focus on the lack of thankfulness being demonstrated in a particular situation, to assume that no one is recognizing our efforts or helpfulness. But maybe how we accept gratitude outside of these moments is more important. Because it forces us to be present and always remember the good. And that’s what keeps our cups full.
